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zombie post

default - wondrous lizard
This is the first time in a very, very long time I've not had a paid account. Not having a million icons is killing me (because despite appearances, I still use this LJ for communities on the regular).

I went a-stalking and found my friend Karl's old LJ from 2005, which made me want to go back and read my own old entries. I've had this freaking Livejournal for a decade, you guys. Reading old entries made me really, really miss my Wendy forumite community.

Posting this is kind of yelling into a void at this point, and all of you are over at Facebook anyway, but...just felt compelled to make a post anyway.

GODDAMN IT I wish I could use a different icon...

1981

wistful - the little mermaid
Goodbye twenties. I thought I was going to enter my thirties kicking and screaming, but instead I'm going to spend a day of quietness and reflection. Oh, and getting a tattoo. Pictures to come...

*crickets*

whee! - dancing osaka
dude, prop 8 gets overturned and i am the first person on my friends list to post about it? livejournal IS dead.

anyway, news article: Court Rejects Same-Sex Marriage Ban in California


not like i'm helping it stay alive. did you even know i've been home in ohio for the summer? like for two months? i haven't posted anything about my theses or my summer job or my recent CT scan or anything. oh livejournal, remember the several-posts-a-day days? i don't think i'll ever be that abundant, but i would like to get back to making actual posts and not just facebook status updates. sigh.


but the important thing here is WOO EQUALITY! let's keep it up, america!

goodbye sammy

cry - harry potter
my dog died yesterday.

my fat little marshmallow puppy with the red eyelashes. the drama queen. sammykins.

she was sick, and my parents had to put her down. nathan and i went over and said goodbye to her. i gave her lots of reiki energy. she let me help her with her pain, but she wouldn't let me help her go naturally. i strongly felt that she was waiting for my brother, who is in ecuador until july.

my parents were going to take her to the vet to be put down, because doing it at home was too expensive, but that sounded too awful so nathan and i took care of it. i left before the guy showed up though. i couldn't handle actually being there.

we'd had her for fifteen years.

she was really, really happy that nathan and i came to see her. i'm so glad i was home to be able to see her one more time.

it's so strange, when a pet dies. when a person dies, and you mourn, you actually end up mourning a whole lot of other things: your own mortality, the loss of potential, whatever. crying for the death of sammy was almost worse because of its simplicity. i'm crying because my dog died. that's it. my dog is dead, and that makes me sad. a clear, blue, shining sadness right in the middle of my heart.

i will miss that fat, spoiled, sweet little dog. she was great. she was really, really great.

cinnamon city

midwest blues - stuck in ohio
had an amazing first year of grad school. back in ohio for the summer. i've had this strange anxiety ever since i got back. it actually started on the plane. i don't get it. i do feel more than ever that i don't belong in cincinnati. although i have missed the theater scene.

i really need to post more. i'll try to catch up this month. so much stuff has happened.


extra points if you get the reference in my subject title

time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...

shooting stars - lil adam
it's the last year of my twenties.
amusing! - penfold
something truly magical happened to me tonight. i was just living my life, minding my own business, when i get a text message.

"its jango why r u txting elena soo much"

now, i don't know who the fuck jango or elena are, and i certainly haven't been texting either of them.

but they don't know that.

and i saw no reason to tell them.

so i didn't. and then this happened.


i give you: Masterpiece Text Message Theatre.Collapse )

i was literally. rolling. on the ground. with laughter.

i should probably be worried about sulli y/n?

forumites unite!

thumbs up! - deadline's skizzy
haikuninja (deadline) is staying with me for the next couple of weeks. any forumites in the NYC area want to do a forumite meetup? also, do you guys realize that we've all been friends for an entire decade?

somebody dig up the full photo that this icon is from!

the patriarchy hurts everyone

run awaaaay! - toejam and earl
in january i googled spas in new jersey, and sent out a bunch of emails letting them know that i was a massage therapist looking to work one day a week. last week i actually got a phone call. i was told that help was needed on valentine's day with couples massage. i got the impression that this was the owner of a spa that employed several therapists (he kept saying "my therapists" like "i expect my therapists to be punctual" and so forth) that had an excess of appointments on that day and needed help the same way retail stores hire seasonal help.

i was super-stoked, but then i forgot that i am not yet licensed in new jersey and freaked out and called back, but the guy said it wasn't a problem and to come in anyway. which should have been my first red flag but i figured that this would serve as a sort of job interview, and if it went well then i'd just pay the fee for the NJ license.

so i go to hoboken. which luckily is a short and inexpensive train ride. i show up about half an hour early. i locate the street. as i'm walking i pass a spa. but it's not the correct address. so i keep walking and pass another spa. still not the right place. i keep walking and finally come to...an apartment building?

there's a sandwich board sign out front with massage prices listed, so i figure it's the right place. i knock. a guy answers with a paint brush in hand. he directs me to the third floor. i get up there and...it's an apartment. a disheveled apartment. there are half-painted walls and furniture every which where. i'm like o_O. so the guy who called me appears. he's wearing rubber dishwashing gloves that are dripping with soap and water. he apologizes for the mess and says that he expected the room to be done yesterday but it just didn't work out.

i am confused because i thought this was supposed to be a spa. but apparently it's a business run out of this guy's home. okay. fine. that's legit.

so then he shows me the massage room. it's a perfectly acceptable room. except that there's only one table set up. and i'm like where's the other table? he says he is going to set it up later. okay. sure.

so then i ask him how many appointments he has today. he says TWO. two? okay. are there going to be other therapists? no. just me. and him. for two appointments.

so now i start to feel suspicious. if all he needed was one other therapist, for only two appointments, why did he feel the need to call some therapist--unlicensed in his state, no less--that he'd never met? doesn't he have other massage therapist friends?

so then he tells me that after the massages, i would give him a massage. which is not an unusual request if you are planning to hire someone, but the way he worded it was "so i can see what you can do." he used that wording more than once. which i admit is not all that bad by itself but when you take everything else into consideration? i started to hear a beeping in my head...

i'm early, and he's clearly busy, so he tells me i should come back in half an hour and directs me to the coffee shop down the street. so i leave. i'm outside of the apartment. and i think, am i going to be able to get out of that apartment again?

which is not a good thought to have. so i call my friend deni who went to massage school with me, and is also a mother of two little girls. i tell her the situation. she says "if you feel uncomfortable enough to call me, then you're uncomfortable enough to leave." and i know she's right. so i walk several blocks away and call the guy back. i tell him that i'm really sorry to leave him hanging, but i don't feel comfortable in the situation, that i thought it was going to be a different environment with more therapists present, and that as a female therapist i can't be too careful and my safety is always first.

he gets pissed. says he doesn't understand. tries to get me to come back. i refuse. he gets angrier. then the signal gets lost on my phone. which i take as the universe's way of saying "quit wasting your time and just leave." so i leave.

while i'm underground on the train, i get a voice mail from the guy. it's all about how upset he is, and he says that he will make sure that i never work in the NJ/NY area ever again. because he knows people.

now i am positive i made the right decision.


i actually went on to have an incredibly pleasant valentine's day, with lunch with a dear friend and a long walk in central park with another, but i'm still bothered. not by his threat of making sure i never work in this town again, because that's just absurd, but by his complete inability to recognize that he was creating a dangerous situation. if he really was legit, and he really wasn't planning on harming me, how fucking stupid is he to expect a woman he just met to be totally okay with being alone with him in his space? i don't know him. i don't know how safe he is. all i know is that i am a woman with very little upper body strength and he is a large man who is trying to convince me to come into his apartment with no one else around but another large man. yeah, right. i hope he does call a female therapist to try to make me look bad and she bitches him out for not being sensitive to the safety concerns of women. male therapists in particular need to be hyper-aware of making women feel uncomfortable and of power dynamics.

what makes it worse is that he tried to make me feel bad for protecting myself. for taking control of the situation. and i almost did feel bad. but i don't. i don't have to apologize to some fucking asshole for trusting my instincts. i don't have to apologize for putting my safety above his poor little feelings. i don't have to apologize for inconveniencing someone who put me in a very inconvenient position.

i'm so glad i left. i'm mad at myself for entering the apartment the first time. i might have saved my own life, and i wish i lived in a world where i didn't have to think that.

i am also pissed that i cut my nails for nothing.

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default - wondrous lizard
skizzylizard
skizzy the wonder lizard
my writing livejournal

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